I debated discussing this topic as it is quite sensitive and everyone probably has differing opinions, but I think it's important when you have to make decisions you weren't really prepared for - like I was.
My uncle passed away a few weeks ago, it was unexpected and sudden. I hadn't seen him for about 10 years, but I had spoken to his children, my cousins, on and off since we found each other on facebook a few years ago. I spent a lot of time with them as a child, but as we grew up, we drifted.
Having lost my step dad, nearly 5 years ago, in the same sudden circumstance, I knew their pain and anguish and felt compelled to attend the funeral to support them.
The conflict arose when I was discussing with my fiance about taking our children. O is 3 and a half and baby N is 4 months old. My fiance was ok with me wanting to take baby N, but I wanted to take O too. I figured it would be a long time before my family got to see them again - they live some distance from us.
My fiance was concerned that our sensitive 3 yr old would be upset and confused about the funeral as we hadn't discussed death with him yet. He also thought O was too young to know about it all, and to see me upset. As much as I agreed with him, I also had a different perspective.
My thoughts were that the next time O would attend a funeral, it would be for someone that he knew and loved and that he would be devastated by losing them. I thought that attending my uncles funeral, a man he'd never met, would be less distressing and a much gentler way to introduce him to death and funerals.
After a lengthy discussion, my fiance reluctantly agreed to bring both boys with us.
The morning of the funeral, we told O where we were going and what was happening. We explained things simply and answered his questions honestly. We explained to him that sometimes our bodies stop working and when that happens, we can't talk, eat or breathe anymore and we lay still like sleeping, but we don't wake up. We explained that there would be a coffin and lots of sad people. He had a lot of questions about the coffin and we explained it was a big comfy bed.
Both boys did remarkably well at the service. We decided not to attend the burial as we thought it might be a bit too much for O to understand. I plan to take him to a cemetery when he is a bit older, so when the time comes to attend a burial for a loved one, it wont be so scary.
How would you deal with a situation like this? Would you take your young children to a funeral? How would you explain death to them?
Ash x
